Perfect Strangers Comment on Food -- Weird

This week I took an ACLS class(Advanced Cardiovascular Life Support -- basically CPR with meds and a lot of adrenaline for the nurse -- sometimes the patient too). So I was with a bunch of people who I do not know.

Went to lunch with some of them and this is what ensued.

I ordered a black bean burger, no bun, with tomatoes and onion.

And THAT generated a conversation about my lunch.

1. Are you a vegetarian?
2. Are you gluten free?
3 What diet are you on?
4. Is that really going to be enough food?

WOW!

One girl, who really had a great curvy body, but realistically not within 'range' had a huge plate of beef, gravy and green beans, the other girl had a chicken veggie quesadilla - with a lot of cheese, she was a little thing and only 6 weeks post baby -- I kind of wanted to hate her but she was super smart, helpful, and nice (ICU nurse, they're the best and if I were younger, I'd aspire to get to the ICU).

After being all jealous that these beautiful women with beautiful bodies (in different ways) could eat whatever the heck they wanted to (they both professed to never exercise too -- life is freakin' unfair), I realized, they may have food issues.

Because I don't think what I ate was that weird in the land of the non-bariatric-surgical population.

Day two of the class, the teacher told us to bring snacks so we could power through and get out early.  I brought some turkey jerky and blueberries.

You would have thought I was trying to kill myself or something equally horrid.

This coming from the woman (again, cute little thing -- who was able to rock the purple and green streaks, even in her 40's - I could not do that) who brought convenience store coffee and hoho's for breakfast.

REALLY?

Confession

I have to confess. I love Big Macs. As a person who loves to cook, who loves complicated recipes, who enjoys 'good' food, and sometimes claims to be a 'foodie' this is hard to confess.

But I do.

I'm not sure Big Macs are even food really

and one is like a million calories

But they are goooood.

And I haven't had one in 15 months.

And realized a couple days ago, I don't even miss them.

That's all.

one habit changed - 50 million more to go....

So the boys are going camping this weekend (I don't camp -- a cabin is even iffy).  A weekend all to myself, sounds great right now, but just a couple weeks ago I was moping around because the boys were gone at camp for a week....

anyhoo, this time it's all three boys (Jason and the kiddos)

Jason used to travel all the time, it's been years since he has (thank gawd).  In the past when he left town I would order pizza, buy some chips and a ton of chocolate and feel horribly sorry for myself....I found myself thinking of doing the same thing today

What DID I do?

I bought some seafood salad and an avocado, (ate half an avocado with a spoonful of the salad) cut up some cucumbers, had a couple cherry tomatoes and a tbsp of blueberries. Perfect dinner.

and later...for a treat...I got some of the dark chocolate covered Acai berries (YUM).

And here's the thing....I'm not even feeling sorry for myself...
or feeling lonely.

It's a good feeling.

Have a great Friday!

(update -- the rain washed out the trail head so they are on their way home...we're going to go see a movie instead)

Quinoa Breakfast

So my friend turned me on to this breakfast -- way yummy and not bad in calories.

1/2 cup of cooked quinoa
1/2 tbsp coconut oil
1 packet of pure via
1 tsp cinnamon
1/4 cup of mixed berries

Mix all together and serve. 194 cals, 4.4 g protein, 25.8 g carbs, & 8.9 g fat. 5g of fiber. To up the protein content add half a scoop of plain protein powder

 These portions are for my family -- but super pretty with the colorful fruit! The hubsters and the older child liked it, the younger one, not so much but then his favorite meal is mac and cheese so his culinary opinion is not that respected around here.

I made a bunch of these to take to work...or for the kids (well at least the kid that likes it) and the husband...good grab and go breakfast and I'm thinking of doing this during school so the family has some quick healthy choices.

Speaking of Panties...

How about that, I've used the word panties in two titles in a row -- and even more strange -- I've now blogged three days in a row. Wow.

I amaze myself.

smiley face insert here

so back to speaking of panties I've had to buy some new ones.  I went with the old ones as long as I possibly could but it got to the point that they needed to go so I bought a whole bunch of new ones that fit. But there are a few stragglers and I happened to put a pair on the other day and they were like half way up my back. Of course I didn't take them off, I still wore them.

Rolling my eyes at myself right now.

I'm not what you'd call a glam girl. I'm not even really a tom boy either. I like looking at clothes, I like helping my friends pick out nice clothes, I like looking around at stores, and "pinning"  outfits. I actually have a good eye.

But when it comes to me and dressing myself...I am at a loss.

It's not that I don't care.

It's a little lazy, a little rebellion, a little unsure what to do, a little not sure what size I am, and a little bit of feeling I don't deserve to look nice.

I had dinner with a friend the other night and she was telling me I should really start wearing clothes that fit better, that I could wear shorter skirts and more importantly not just that I should but I could (I'm still not quite sure). Another friend today mentioned she and I were the same size and I argued with her, she just seemed so much smaller than I am. A couple weeks ago the Nurse Practitioner at work told me I need to go shopping with friends to give me guidance on if my clothes fit or not.  I was wearing a silky white blouse and pants that I could take off without unbuttoning -- so yeah, they were a little big.

It does feel strange wearing clothes that fit, I've always felt more comfortable if I could hide in my clothes. I don't like the feeling of confinement and, frankly I'm a little afraid. I'm afraid of gaining the weight back, I'm afraid that I will never get to my goal weight, I'm afraid of being noticed.

I'm just a big ol' scaredy cat.

Any how -- it's one of those things I need to work on. So one of my other goals for year two post-surgery is to dress in a way that fits...including my underwear.

okay now that I'm seeing the picture it is a little baggie -- and I was thinking how cute and well it fit -- THIS was actually going to be proof I wear clothes that fit.

Okay -- work in progress.

Here are a couple outfits I've "pinned" that I would some day love to wear

I guess I could so wear the top and the bottom now...but that middle outfit..not sure if I'll ever get there -- not enough spanx in the world..

I totally love Pinterest. If you aren't already on -- get on and follow me: I'd put a nifty follow me button here but can't find the place on pinterest with the nifty pin button ...and for some reason when I copied and pasted my old follow me button it went to another pinner's page.

weird


oh and speaking of following there's a blogger from Downunder who is about to get a sleeve. She also has some super recipes on her blog. check her out and say 'hi'.

Have a gerat Saturday all.

Hold on to your panties -- I'm actually blogging again!

Well looky-here I'm blogging the very day after I blogged.  I have a confession. I haven't been doing that great.  I'm a year and two months out getting this wonderful tool that I paid beaucoup bucks for and I'm taking it for granted.

ugh

I need to get that fire back!

A couple weeks ago I got down to 208 -- 208! most people would cringe but when your highest was 320  -- 208 feels great. It's not my goal though and I've been grazing, eating in front of the TV, and choosing jalapeno cheddar cheetos for meals.

ooooh so bad.

and a couple days ago I got back up to 212.

YIKES

Today I'm back down to 210 (phew)

I've been finding that now that I'm a year out when I lose weight 1. more slowly and 2. not as directly as before -- instead of just being a couple pounds down each week, I fluctuate between 3-4 pounds for a few weeks then boom I have a new 'range' with the lowest of my old range being the top of my new range.  Anyone else do this?

I'm not going to let this drive me crazy (I have plenty to drive me crazy -- and the term 'driving me crazy' implies I'm still sane and on my way to crazy -- when we all know I've pretty much arrived in crazyville already)

So goal weight? I talked to my doc (my actually doc, not the doc I work with -- who is awesome too, but I like to keep my life separate from my professional life) -- he asked what my goal weight was...my answer was: "do you want to know my actual goal weight, or do you want me to tell you what I think you want to hear"

and get this -- he said, "I could care less what you weigh, if you want to weigh what you do now, I'm good with that, you just need to be at a place where weight isn't getting in your way of not living your life"

WTH -- in my experiences with docs -- that is NOT the answer I expected.

So my goal weight is 180 -- I'm 5'7 (okay 5'6 and a half, but I round up) top of my optimal weight is like 150...at 180 would be 30 pounds overweight (overweight NOT obese whoot)...but whatever... when I was that weight (and upset about how fat I was and how I had to wear a size 12 wedding dress -- I so want to slap my 23 year old self) I felt good! so there it is, my goal is 180 -- that's 30 pounds -- sounds so much more doable than 140 pounds which is where I was 14 months ago! And my doc says I should lose that 30 pounds over the next year -- 7 pounds every three months.

I can do that!

Then he said, "you gotta be a good example for your patients now that you're a bariatric coordinator"

geeze! way to bring me back to the lectures I got from my parents since I was the oldest about being a good example for my siblings....

that's another therapy session.

I was talking to a friend last night about all this...we were talking about where we were before surgery and where we are now.  And I said, you know I had to pay for my surgery (around 20k OUCH) and I said, every time I look at a chip I should ask myself, "is this chip worth 20k?).

Of cours I had some M&Ms last night AFTER this conversation -- maybe it's not just chips I need to ask this question about.

My goals for this year two post surgery
7 pounds every three months
exercise
make good food choices
wear more make up and clothes that fit (I'll discuss this more in another post -- and this is for a friend of mine who gave me a lecture last night -- you know who you are)

Have a GREAT Friday everyone! I get to see my kids who have been in camp all week...so excited.

My idea of marketing -- is begging

Yeah, I know I have been HORRIBLE at blogging here. Work is crazy, life is crazy (how crazy is life? read about it here). Meanwhile I have been blogging for work here. I have to admit it's nice to blog for work, I feel like it's part of patient education which is one of the most favortist part of my position. I love talking to our patients about what to expect, how to take care of themselves and giving them encouragement.  The center's blog is an extension of that.  Our latest entry was about Mindful Eating. Have any of you thought of Mindful Eating? Our counselor talked about it at our support group and it makes so much sense. I think as over weight/obese people we sometimes feel like we aren't allowed to enjoy our food -- it's a guilty pleasure -- a lot of us (me included) call pictures of decadent desserts "food porn" porn....Mindful Eating gives us permission to enjoy our food, be in the presence of it and by doing so we end up eating less because we've used all our senses. So really more art than porn. Even before this subject came up I would notice our registered dietician would eat her lunch on a plate (a real one, not a paper one) in the kitchen.  I eat my lunch out of a baggie at my desk which is hardly a way to connect with food, enjoy it with my senses and get any kind of satisfaction. It can also be messy

Hmmmmm....

She's also got a great body and is super healthy.

Me, not so much.

Now, I know that's not the ONLY reason she looks the way she does, there's hard work and genetics involved -- but it's one of her tools.

I like how Mindful Eating helps establish a relationship with food, rather than trying to brush food under the rug and make it a dirty little secret.  We all need food, we should be allowed to enjoy it. If you want to read more about how it works...click here I also included other sites.

So, yeah, blogging for work = fun. Not blogging at home = big frowny-face.

We had a marketing meeting yesterday and I heard a lot of "Tracey needs to...." (ok, not a lot, maybe once or twice -- it's not really about me -- sigh, as much as I think it should be) -- so I said, "Tracey's a nurse, Tracey doesn't know much about marketing).  Looks like Tracey needs to get it together and figure out marketing really quickly.  I spent the wee hours of this morning trolling Facebook pages to "like" and now I'm going to try my version of marketing which is begging....please please like our center's FaceBook page. I do most of the updates and I post informative, inspirational and sometimes funny information so it won't be too painful to like us.

Okay -- August -- I will be better about blogging.

I promise...well sort of...