I've been slowly telling my friends about my upcoming plans for surgery. The amount of support and congratulations have warmed my heart and has helped me realize that this is indeed a good move for me. I think I was a little too awash in the tide of well wishes and happiness that surrounded me and I told another friend about it. I was pretty shocked that I did not get that instant, "I'm so happy you're taking charge of your life" feedback.
I actually didn't get any verbal feedback.
Just a look of horror.
And this friend is one of those types of people who should have been a theater actor because she has no problem conveying what she is thinking with her facial expressions. And her expression after I told her, could have been expressed through a bull-horn, if expressions had sound.
I was talking to my BFF a couple months ago. She's very supportive. She has never told me that she disagrees with my decision, although I know how she feels about surgery in general and I get the feeling that she doesn't completely agree with what I am doing, (and I only feel this because we've been friends for so long, not because she's said anything) she is going to make a serious effort to be there for me because that's who she is. She's my BFF because we don't always see eye to eye, but we know the other doesn't make decisions lightly and we have a unconditional sisterly love for each other and can be there for each other. She cautioned me not to tell a lot of people about this. I didn't give her advice much thought. She's a very private person, she doesn't really share a lot about her life with people.
I'm the complete opposite.
I share way too much about my life with people. I have two blogs and a Facebook page for goodness sake. If I had more time, I'd probably tweet too.
I just figured that she was overly concerned about people judging and was feeling protective.
I'm naive enough to think -- why would people judge when I'm finally taking charge of my life? I don't judge when others do this. Even when I disagree with someone's plan, I try not to judge, I just disagree (to myself). I judge racists. I judge mean people. I judge people to beat their kids and I judge really bad drivers....other then that I figure live and let live.
I'm also always surprised when other people do not think this way.
Because it's such a fantastic way to think!
So I was totally taken aback by the look of horror on my friend's face.
Never was there a time that I wanted to take my words back and swallow them....
But then swallowing my words and feelings is one of the reasons I am where I am.
Thankfully another very close friend was sitting next to me. She put her hand on my arm and said, "I'm so happy for you"
So, will I clam up and not share this with people? I'm not sure yet. I think I will hint around first, get the lay of the land. I may get reactions like this friend...but so far I've gotten much more support and love from my other friends. This one incident is the anomaly. Support and love have been the norm. If I didn't share this with my friends, I wouldn't have all this wonderful support.
Sometimes you have to take the bad with the good.
To my friends that support me and love me, thank you!