Sunday, March 25, 2012

well that didn't go over that well.....

I've been slowly telling my friends about my upcoming plans for surgery.  The amount of support and congratulations have warmed my heart and has helped me realize that this is indeed a good move for me.  I think I was a little too awash in the tide of well wishes and happiness that surrounded me and I told another friend about it.  I was pretty shocked that I did not get that instant, "I'm so happy you're taking charge of your life" feedback.

I actually didn't get any verbal feedback.

Just a look of horror.

And this friend is one of those types of people who should have been a theater actor because she has no problem conveying what she is thinking with her facial expressions.  And her expression after I told her, could have been expressed through a bull-horn, if expressions had sound.

I was talking to my BFF a couple months ago.  She's very supportive.  She has never told me that she disagrees with my decision, although I know how she feels about surgery in general and I get the feeling that she doesn't completely agree with what I am doing, (and I only feel this because we've been friends for so long, not because she's said anything) she is going to make a serious effort to be there for me because that's who she is.  She's my BFF because we don't always see eye to eye, but we know the other doesn't make decisions lightly and we have a unconditional sisterly love for each other and can be there for each other.  She cautioned me not to tell a lot of people about this.  I didn't give her advice much thought.  She's a very private person, she doesn't really share a lot about her life with people.

I'm the complete opposite.

I share way too much about my life with people.  I have two blogs and a Facebook page for goodness sake.  If I had more time, I'd probably tweet too.

I just figured that she was overly concerned about people judging and was feeling protective.

I'm naive enough to think -- why would people judge when I'm finally taking charge of my life?  I don't judge when others do this.  Even when I disagree with someone's plan, I try not to judge, I just disagree (to myself).  I judge racists. I judge mean people.  I judge people to beat their kids and I judge really bad drivers....other then that I figure live and let live.

I'm also always surprised when other people do not think this way.

Because it's such a fantastic way to think!

So I was totally taken aback by the look of horror on my friend's face.


Never was there a time that I wanted to take my words back and swallow them....

But then swallowing my words and feelings is one of the reasons I am where I am.

Thankfully another very close friend was sitting next to me.  She put her hand on my arm and said, "I'm so happy for you"

So, will I clam up and not share this with people? I'm not sure yet.  I think I will hint around first, get the lay of the land.  I may get reactions like this friend...but so far I've gotten much more support and love from my other friends.  This one incident is the anomaly.  Support and love have been the norm.  If I didn't share this with my friends, I wouldn't have all this wonderful support.

Sometimes you have to take the bad with the good.

To my friends that support me and love me, thank you!


  1. Everybody has issues - and her lack of support has to do with hers, not you! Good question though, about being open about it - seems you can handle it either way - even when it makes steam come out of your ears!

  2. colleen and that's why I'm glad I was sitting next to you last night :D

  3. It must have been a shock for you. But I wonder whether you may want to talk to this friend and explain just why you are doing this and how you feel. Perhaps she was just in shock or may she doesn't understand why you need to this?
    If she still can't be the friend you need then I'm sorry for her. :D

  4. Don't worry you are not alone. I've had unexpected people I'm not even that close with be unusually excited and happy for me. And then I've had people who are very close to me and whose opinion I hold in high regard react with utter disgust! It also threw me for a loop. BUT by the time I decided to do this it was full steam ahead. And I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that this WAS going to happen. I decided that the people who wanted to get on board with me could and the rest would just have to move aside!!! You are doing this for you and the reality is that a lot of people who have never been in our situation lack understanding. They just don't get it. Maybe they never will. But I can tell you that ALL the people who cringed at me in the beginning now have pretty much admitted it was the right decision!

  5. It's HER issue, not yours.

    Please, please, please consider telling anyone and everyone who asks about how you're losing weight about your WLS.

    In my 2.5 years of blogging, I have seen a HUGE connection with WLS success and being very open with others about their WLS. Being open has been a BIG part of my successful journey.

    Food for thought.

    Oh, by the way, I have received the most support from the least likely of sources (people). They're out there, so be open and share.

    HUGS! :)

  6. I guess I'm just naive on the topic of peoples reactions. I do believe you have a right to share only as much as is within your comfort zone and nothing more. If a year from now, you want to tell people you are looking so healthy because of pilates and lots of good sex and daily doses of gin, so be it...that's your choice. (giggle giggle).

    But sharing is within your comfort zone so it is upsetting that you didn't receive the unconditional support. Or even just cautious support until the other person has a chance to become better informed on what this procedure is all about.

    And whenever someone has a less than supportive response, just remember it is because of their issues NOT your decision. Your decision to take control of your health and wellness with this route, is one that has come after lots of research, deep thinking, discussion and probably a hefty dose of prayer.

    And you know what, this isn't the first time nor will it be the last that you and Colleen have each other's backs with this particular friend, right?

  7. To offer a different opinion...sort like the devil's advocate position...It might help to acknowledge that this friend with the "look of horror" is just scared for you... scared about something she must know very little about. The look on her face *actually* is a backwards way of showing just how much she cares for you.

    That said, if she is a true friend, she will educate herself and come around to being part of your group of support...and if she doesn't, then she is clearly someone who is not capable, or prepared to, open her mind to new things. For the sake of your friendship, I hope she comes around.

    By the way, you are going to Rock'll see! And so will your friends, when they see you happier and healthier!

  8. So far I have had very supportive people... I want to keep it that way, as there is enough negativity already, Except when someone asks I tell them.

    Although what I find weird is this... "Oh you look good you've lost weight." " Yeah but she did it with surgery."

    Like there should be an asterisk * next to the pounds lost because we had or are having a surgical procedure to aide in the process. Is it better to do it with a 500 calorie diet and a pill, or some other fad? Few are educated with the amount of work this takes to have excellent results... I will be happy to educate them as I move through this process.

    You will be surprised at how her opinion will change though when she truly sees how happy you are!

  9. sorry to hear about your friend...hopefully she will see your success and change her mind

  10. I've been there, and it's not fun. The overwhelming majority of people I've told were supportive, but it's as if the negative view of just ONE person outweighs the 20 other great reactions. Ass-backwards. But that's how it seems to go.

    I'm proud of ya for being so open about your decision. Not everyone has the lady balls!