Starting Weight: 320
Last Recorded Weight 228
Today's Weight 227
Well it's going down. Whoo sort of hoo.
Here's the deal, I'm not as strict with myself and I'm not following the plan to the letter. Actually hardly at all. I'm falling into that habit of anesthetizing myself with food in the couple of hours after work and making dinner. I tell myself I just need a little time to unwind, but what I really want to do is just go numb.
My sister is an alcoholic and she is once again on a drinking binge....like found miles from where she was supposed to be walking the street in a delirium with only her coat on (and nothing else). Thank goodness it was a warm day. Her blood alcohol was .3 -- that could kill you. I yelled at her and she's not speaking to me now. I've been bailing her out and trying to help her for 20 years now and I'm kind of done. I am okay with that decision, but am also feeling horribly guilty, like I'm a bad sister. She's obviously is in so much pain and I feel really selfish choosing my own sanity and trying to preserve the lifestyle I've put into place for my immediate family. Is giving up showing my children strength, knowing when to let go? Or am I showing them that you give up on family....I know I'll hear opinions on both....I think this is something anyone in this situation may struggle with....I'm just putting it out there to share my struggle not to really get answers, because frankly are there any real answers out there? It's a moot point what I am willing to do anyhow since she stopped talking to me.
I still haven't heard back from either interview I had last week.
Picture a cat with its hair raised clawing the ceiling...that's me right now about this job thing...
My husband says I have a patience problem.
Sooooo, this has spurred me into taking a behavioral modification class offered by a therapist who works closely with the surgeon who did my surgery.
I really liked her. If I could get my family to go to therapy, I'd suggest her (because it's obvious I don't need therapy and they all do - insert sarcastic tone here)
The other members of the group also seem to be lovely ladies.
A couple of things I took from last night's session were:
1. Making a mistake is not the end of the world. No matter where you are, you can YOU CAN pick yourself back up and get back on track (for me that might be recommitting to that like every 5 minutes -- just sayin' it's not been great for me lately)
2. It doesn't always matter why you do it...even if you know why you're doing what your doing...you still might do it. It's important to put things into place to replace eating and this takes time because frankly eating works as a soothing mechanism. Not only does it taste good, your sympathetic nervous system calms down while it's digesting. Another interesting thing to note...when people eat refined, high carb, high fat, high salt foods the brain lights up in the same areas it does when a heroin addict does heroin.
For a brief second, when I heard that, I thought...'hmm, where can I score heroin, because at least those guys are skinny" Nooo, not really, anything I have to shoot up or snort is just off limits to me, because even though I'm a nurse -- gross!
Although this seems really discouraging, the point was to find other things to occupy your thoughts, your hands, your mouth.
Our homework is to 1. figure out times, triggers, identify feelings when you start to eat off-plan and 2. Come up with a plan to do something in place of eating mindlessly.
Who wants to help me with my homework? Have any of you found something that works for you? When you're feeling stressed and want to eat do you have something that you do that helps you to get through that moment? I'd love to hear what you have to say!